I keep waiting for this nightmare to end. Like this is some sort of Groundhog Day version of my life where everyday is another executive order telling us we must now call french fries freedom fries(remember when that happened, when congress changed french fries to freedom fries in the senate cafeteria, that should have been our first clue that this shithead might win) or that muslims must sign up to a registry. But no, it just continues. Everyday is the same orange nightmare tweeting fart noises out of his armpit while the world watches in utter dismay as what was once the most powerful job in the world turns into a giant sounding toilet flushing our democracy down.
How did this happen?!
Well, Russia.
We should applaud Russia for knowing more about the idiots in our country than I or my friends did. I laughed when Michael Moore said Trump could win. I laughed harder when that dude who predicted elections said he would too. I sat down November 9th with a bowl of popcorn and awaited the first female president rolling out dabbing in a crisp white pantsuit.
Fucking Russia.
There is an amazing piece in the New York TImes Magazine about how Putin has a propaganda machine that from a windowless building makes fake Tumblr pages of people like Wiccan girls that love fairies and pledge their allegiance to Putin.
Putin probably started putting the pieces together when Hannity was knob rubbing to shirtless pictures of him on his Fox News show and saw an opening.
It didn’t help that Hillary was boring as shit.
Her husband was playing sax on Arsenio Hall cool daddy style making everyone love him. All Hillary had going for her was that she was married to the dude that played sax.
Oh and the thirty fucking years of political experience.
Yet things like experience don’t resonate with voters who can’t name their senator but can name all the characters on Duck Dynasty. Top that off with Russia meddling with their hacking and you have a recipe for disaster.
And that disaster is here, everyday, on our television screen, our news, our comedy shows. Everyday the nightmare continues. Is there any hope we can gather from this?
I believe so. As time rolls on and this mess continues our goal over here on the side I like to call REALITY will be to show that some people though they may know about cars, or graphic design, or engineering yet by voting for this dipshit it makes any political argument they have null in void.
In order to explain I’ll have to give you an analogy.
I like to call it the Air Bud argument.
Let’s say you’re at a party and after a couple of drinks of lemonade, or soda pop a conversation gets started about basketball. There’s a few people in the conversation and you begin to ask the gentlemen who their favorite basketball players are. One says Kobe Bryant. Makes total sense. 5-time champion, scored 81 points in one game, League MVP, one of the greats of all time. You ask the other guy in the conversation and he says Russell Westbrook. Averaging a triple-double in the league right now, never won a rings but has a lot of gas left in the tank. One of the best in the league right now. Again, makes sense. You finally turn and ask the last guy in the conversation who his favorite player is, he pauses for a moment and replies Air Bud
Air Bud?
Air Bud?
Like the fictional fucking Disney dog?
That Air Bud?
Is this a joke? No. Okkkkkkkk. Well then.
Now. After dude says this would you ever talk to him about basketball? About anything that had to do with putting a ball in a hoop? HELL. NO.
Lately, we come to realize that there’s always one. One in every family, or a friend. One who voted for Trump. We’re so baffled by it. The truth is they don’t know shit. I’m saying we should just treat it as such. A political conversation comes up, in the midst of it you find out they voted for Trump, “o, wait, well you can shut the fuck up because you have no idea what you’re talking about.” You don’t have to say it out loud(though I prefer it). You can just quietly hang back and let the talk fall apart. Why even try? Essentially they were filling out an NCAA bracket without knowing anything about the sport just picking Duke because their favorite color is blue.
Except, what’s worse, is that they did it with something that affects our lives! And I’m suppose to take anything you say seriously?
This is for people like me, who see the comments section of an article and some dipshit is talking about NYtimes being fake news and I just want to chime in. I want to SO BAD. Then I just think to myself Air Bud and I calm down.
It’s like taking my motorcycle to a guy who bakes cakes asking him what’s wrong with my engine. He doesn’t know. HE BAKES CAKES. These people could be really smart at something but they don’t know shit about politics and we aren’t going to teach them on Facebook. I mean if they’re 30 years old and voted for a guy for president who fired Gary Busey on a fake reality show then just say it with me. AIR BUD.
Hope this helps.
Peace.